... and that's how the fight started..

One year I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied,"Well, you still haven't used

the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
My wife walked into the den and asked, "What's on the TV?"

I replied, "Dust."

And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she

saw and said, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.

I replied, 'Well, your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want

something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"


"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she replied.

"How about the kitchen?" I suggested.


And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
My wife and I were watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

So I said, "Is that your final answer?"

Without even looking at me, she said, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's how the fight started.
-------------------------------------------
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of

cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look a lot better than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.

--------------------------------
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, rare, please," I told him.


He said, "Aren't you worried about mad cow?"


"Nah," I said, "she can order for herself."

And that's how the fight started.

 

I told my wife she gives sound advice,
99% sound, 1% advice.

And that's how the fight started.

 

I told my wife that my next wife would probably be half my age....... And that is how the fight got started!!!!

 

I built a new cabinets in our kitchen, my 5'2" wife said they were to tall for her, I told her they were that way for the next wife. You know the rest.